square sausage

What would Scotlandshire Independence mean for square sausage exports?

This is worrisome news, folks. I’ve been contacted by a concerned client of mine, Blair McDougall. Blair is a fiercely patriotic Englandite and is mightily concerned about next year’s plebiscite on Scotlandshire LEAVING England. (Has ANYONE else heard about this?)

Apparently Mr McDougall has been asking the separatist movement leaders about the possible effects on flat sausage exports for many months but has yet to receive ANY answers. Apparently this is just ONE of very many unanswered questions. We must not let these ingrates get away with this! This could cost Froman Inc in the region $50,000 over the next 30 to 40 years! And God knows what harm it would do to the Scotlandshire economy. Do people in Scotlandshire even KNOW about this?

Does anyone KNOW if sausage exports from Scotlandshire to Chicago will be allowed to continue after separation? Will there have to be a new regulatory body to oversee sausage squareness? Will the Lorne sausage arrive all bound up in plaid tape, requiring the use of cheap immigrant labor to unwrap? Are we just supposed to wait and see? Can’t David Cameroon just bang some damn heads together?

Now, I must admit that I always thought that Scotlandshire was part of IRELAND, not ENGLAND and I’m sure I’m not alone. Why else would so many folks over here describe themselves as Scots-Irish?

I guess that’s just another one of those unanswered questions, though. These rabble-rousers are just leading people down the primrose path when it comes to sausage AND economics. As McDougall told me, Scotlandshire “Independence” would be the WURST of both worlds!


One thought on “What would Scotlandshire Independence mean for square sausage exports?

  1. My friends in England tell me this has all been stirred up by Alan Salmon and Nicolas Sturgeon. Two people named after fish! I think that tells you everything you need to know about so-called “Independence” – it’s all a bit fishy.

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