This is a moving scene from the well-known Hollywood movie, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. But you may be surprised to hear the REAL reason behind Cameron Frye’s struggle to get out of bed that morning. I can tell you it had nothing to with him having a lump of coal wedged up his ass or anything ridiculous like that. (How DO these rumors get started?)
Let me tell you another story. You may be surprised to hear that there’s nothing I like better than sticking my hand up a little bear behind. Or up a small dog’s behind. Sometimes both at once.
Now, in the film by John Hughes, nine times is the number of unauthorized absences young Ferris Bueller has had during the school year. However, I can exclusively reveal that the real story of “Nine Times” is scandalously different to the Hollywood version.
This is worrisome news, folks. I’ve been contacted by a concerned client of mine, Blair McDougall. Blair is a fiercely patriotic Englandite and is mightily concerned about next year’s plebiscite on Scotlandshire LEAVING England. (Has ANYONE else heard about this?)