Let me tell you a story. Back in the early 80’s I had just had a meal with my lovely wife at our favorite restaurant, Chez Quis. We were waiting outside for the valet to bring our car. The driver was new, sporting a ridiculous spiky hairstyle, constantly sneezing and wiping his nose on his sleeve, and really was quite the imbecile to boot. Anyhow, he kept bringing us the wrong damn automobile.
It was a very windy evening, and my wife was extremely cold, having left her fur coat at home, despite my best advice, so I was getting more and more exasperated.
After the driver brought the wrong car for the third time, my almost legendarily abundant patience was exhausted. I finally snapped and gave it to him it with both barrels, uttering the now famous words “I did not achieve this position in life by having some snot-nosed punk leave my cheese out in the wind!”
The snot-nosed punk was quite confused, but I suppose that’s perhaps understandable. Not being as well-traveled as I am, how could he have known that ‘Cheese’ is Rhyming Slang: Cheese and Kisses = Missus = Wife. I picked up this little bit of lingo on one of my sausage-sourcing trips to Australia!
Anyway, we finally get our car, but, as we get in, who should I spot behind us in the queue? Only erstwhile Shermer High Headmaster and all-round ass-clown, Edward Rooney!
Needless to say, Rooney appropriated my memorable turn of phrase and has been dining out on it ever since. Even though he doesn’t have a wife!
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